Costa Rica Trapped in Rerun

Entire country caught in temporal loop scientist reports SAN JOSÉ — Two weeks ago, at the International Court of Justice in The Hague, Costa Rica filed a complaint against Nicaragua regarding the military occupation of Isla Calero. At about the same time, the government closed the ill-famed Platina, the bridge spanning the Virilla River, with promises…

Virgin Sacrifice Would Decrease Volcanic Activity Experts Say

Sacrifice refuses to throw himself into the crater HEREDIA — Eruptions from the Turrialba Volcano continued Thursday afternoon, spewing even more ash into the air. The explosion is the most recent in the increasingly violent activity from the volcano. Scientists are concerned that if preventative measures are not taken soon, the entire central valley will become covered…

Mae of the Week: May 5

Our MOTW is Alejandr@ Mora. Alejandr@ is 24-years old and lives in Tibas. She’s self-employed, and says that she likes to ‘cuidar a sus clientes’. Her hobbies include shopping, evening strolls around Barrio Amón, and gender-corrective surgeries. Her favorite food is huevos.

Scientific Study Confirms Long-Time Myth: Ticas, in Fact, Do Not Poop

Study reveals “What goes in doesn’t always come out” San Jose — After decades of assumptions and rumors, the Costa Rican Medical Association (CRMA) confirmed last week what locals here had long concluded: There is no scientific evidence to confirm that Costa Rican women, or Ticas, defecate. The study, which was carried out over the course…

Johnny Araya Costa Rica’s Fattest Presidential Candidate, Poll Shows

Also voted candidate most resembling Simpsons Mayor Quimby SAN JOSE – Presidential frontrunner Johnny Araya is unquestionably Costa Rica’s fattest presidential candidate, according to a Unimer poll released this week. A resounding 98% of pollsters found Araya to be the most overfed of the country’s candidates, while also voting the San Jose mayor as the…

Truck Driver Successfully Sues Tica for Excessive Cleavage

Woman to pay 8 million colones for whiplash injury HEREDIA – Tosty Tronaditas delivery truck driver Mario Guttiérrez Gutiérrez was awarded a sum of ¢8,000,000 today on claims that Mariana Vilchez’s obscene cleavage resulted in physical injury. Gutiérrez, who has been out of work three months on disability, said that the low-cut dress worn by…

Miami Trip Equals Big Savings on Black Friday, Tica Says

U.S. discounts so good flights basically “being given away” JUAN SANTAMARIA AIRPORT — Spendthrift mothers have found a way to beat Costa Rica’s inflated holiday sales and circumvent pricey import taxes: Travel to Miami on Black Friday. While Costa Rican stores have picked up on the U.S.’s post-Thanksgiving sales-a-thon, there is no better way to save…