Costa Rica’s New President to Sport Hipster Toupée

Solís shows off cool new look to appear more “Mall San Pedro” SAN JOSE – Luis Guillermo Solís will enter office in May sporting a sleek new wig to disguise his bald head and avoid being characterized at the United Nations as “el pelon,” the newly elected President announced Monday. Solís, who held his post-election…

Costa Rica’s Araya Drops Presidential Race to Join Brooklyn Nets

Nets sign Araya to 10-Day contract to be first “Openly Fat Former Latin American Presidential Failure” BROOKLYN – Former Costa Rican Presidential hopeful Johnny Araya announced recently that he was leaving his political life behind to play for the Brooklyn Nets, despite the fact that he is both short and fat. Araya, who dropped out…

BREAKING: Johnny Araya Sleeps In On Election Day After All-Night Rager

Hires stand-ins to make public appearances while candidate curbs hangover SAN JOSE — According to various reports, PLN candidate and presidential favorite Johnny Araya missed all scheduled morning appearances after an “epic noche” bar hopping across chepe. Various sources have told El Pejibaye that Araya was seen last night chugging Olaffos at Caccios, shooting spitballs from…

Mae of the Week: January 16

This week’s M.O.T.W. is Costa Rican presidential candidate Luis Guillermo Solis. Solis is from Montes de Oca and is getting absolutely demolished in the Presidential polls despite being by far the most educated. Solis was a Fulbright Scholar at the University of Michigan while leading candidate Johnny Araya can neither spell Fulbright nor Michigan, which…

Mae of the Week: January 6

This week’s M.O.T.W. is Costa Rican presidential candidate Johnny Araya. Johnny is from San José and lives in 1982 with his parents. In that year in Costa Rica, milk cost ₡200 (US$0.40) and it was still cool to skip presidential debates. In his spare time, Johnny likes to “hit the clubs” and make false promises. He…

Johnny Araya Costa Rica’s Fattest Presidential Candidate, Poll Shows

Also voted candidate most resembling Simpsons Mayor Quimby SAN JOSE – Presidential frontrunner Johnny Araya is unquestionably Costa Rica’s fattest presidential candidate, according to a Unimer poll released this week. A resounding 98% of pollsters found Araya to be the most overfed of the country’s candidates, while also voting the San Jose mayor as the…