Pope Francis Racks Up 48,000 Tinder Matches During Mexico Visit

Progressive Pope’s first foray into online dating deemed “miraculous” MEXICO CITY — It was quite a week for Pope Francis in Mexico. He met with the President, held Mass at the Basilica de Guadalupe, visited the border town of Juarez and, in what was maybe his finest achievement, managed to amass 48,000 Tinder matches in…

Breaking: Costa Rica Acquits OJ Simpson, Charles Manson and Scott Peterson as Supreme Court Revealed to be Run by Chimpanzees

Primate justices could have mishandled trials in past, government says SAN JOSE — Costa Rica’s Supreme Court acquitted O.J. Simpson, Charles Manson and Scott Peterson this week, a shocking and bizarre decision that has brought international attention to the Central American country’s legal system, which, upon investigation, appears to be run by an uneducated pack…

Costa Rica Ranks as World Leader in Flakiness, Report Reveals

Ticos sort of tell truth sometimes, but rank among world’s worst in bailing on dinner plans SAN JOSE — Ticos are the most honest country in Central America, according to Transparency International’s 2014 Corruption Perceptions Index, though still among the flakiest in terms of following through on agreed upon date, dinner or weekend plans, the report said.…

Venezuelan President Maduro Abducted By Aliens During Costa Rica Visit

Maduro avoids terrorist threat, can’t escape aliens, according to Presidential statement SAN JOSE — While Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro was successfully able to the avoid the terrorists he said were waiting for him during his visit to Costa Rica, he wasn’t able to escape…aliens. Maduro, who prior to his visit to the army-less Central American…

Costa Rica Dedicates Statute to Heroic Television Thief “Tragateles”

Guapiles honors “Tragateles” for courageous flat-screen robbery heard round the world GUAPILES – Costa Rica’s Cultural Ministry unveiled a 12-foot statue in downtown Guapiles today to honor the woman who valiantly shoved a Sony flat-screen beneath her dress last November and walked straight the Hell out of an M Express electronics store like a superhuman. Tragateles,…

Costa Rica to Install Scuba Flippers on Finless Sharks

Government unveils creative solution to rectify shark finning dilemma and improve recycling PUNTARENAS – Costa Rica has launched an initiative to replace severed shark fins with scuba flippers, a move that will diminish the environmental calamity of finning and make the ocean beasts more aerodynamic, Environmental Minister Rene Castro said yesterday.    Shark finning, a…

U.S. Woman Granted Costa Rican Residency in Record 9 Years

President congratulates Migration offices for exemplary efficiency SAN JOSE – Nine short years after applying for residency, Boston native Janice Bradford can finally leave and enter Costa Rica without having to show migration officials a wrinkled tramite paper from 2005. Bradford, who speaks flawless Spanish and has mothered four children in Costa Rica with her Tico husband,…

Costa Rica’s New President to Sport Hipster Toupée

Solís shows off cool new look to appear more “Mall San Pedro” SAN JOSE – Luis Guillermo Solís will enter office in May sporting a sleek new wig to disguise his bald head and avoid being characterized at the United Nations as “el pelon,” the newly elected President announced Monday. Solís, who held his post-election…