McDonald’s Unveils Golden Arches Atop Mexican Ruin Sites

Company claims indigenous communities sustained diets of maiz, tortillas and McRibs CHICHEN ITZA — In a continued effort by McDonald’s to prove that “tamales are a thing of the past,” which the company advertised earlier this month, the U.S. food chain has opened locations at famed Aztec and Mayan sites of Teotihuacan and Chichen Itza,…

Costa Rica Observes Three Days of Mourning for Exit of Wendy’s

Ticos hold candlelight vigils at abandoned restaurants to honor “Guendy” SAN JOSE — Costa Ricans everywhere will hold a moment of silence today to honor the exit of popular Unitedstatesian restaurant Wendy’s after the hamburger franchise up and abandoned the Central American country, leaving behind a trail of tears and unrealized Bahhhconator orders. Almost overnight, all 10…

Gringo ESL Teacher Known for Cultural Ignorance and Adjusting Pants, Students Say

Gringo instructor adamant class loves him HEREDIA – A business English language class at Intel Inc. unanimously agreed in a recent questionnaire that teacher Bryan McNutt’s two strongest abilities are being a painfully oblivious gringo and poor wardrobe choices. The group of six, who requested their names be withheld, filled-out the survey about their teacher after complaints were…

Lululemon Hot Yoga Pants to Replace Costa Rica’s Intel Plant

Yoga pants are the future, not technology, Chinchilla says HEREDIA – Days after Intel Corp. announced it would pull the majority of its operations from Costa Rica, the country inked a deal with Lululemon in an effort to become the world’s premier producer of unreasonably tight yoga pants, President Laura Chinchilla said. “Technology is a…

Mexico’s Pena Nieto Mistakes Stephen Harper for Polar Bear

“I never see nothing so big and white before” MEXICO CITY — Mexican President Enrique Pena Nieto mistook Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper for a polar bear yesterday during a meeting between the two heads of state to discuss North American collaboration at Mexico’s Los Pinos Presidential Palace. When Harper stepped off of his presidential plane yesterday,…