Fox News Seeks to Hire Kendrick Lamar to Have First Pulitzer Winner on Staff

NEW YORK – Fox News is preparing to offer rapper Kendrick Lamar a lucrative reporting contract as soon as this afternoon in hopes to finally land a Pulitzer winner on staff and take steps to be “a less overtly racist and tone-deaf” news agency, according to three sources close to the talks, citing an internal company memo.

Fox News, which has been embroiled in controversy this week after anchor Sean Hannity was outed as a client of President Donald Trump’s personal lawyer Michael Cohen, feels hiring Lamar could help the agency “learn how to win awards that make us appear like legitimate journalists” as well as earn some much needed “street cred” in “black people neighborhoods,” the people said, quoting the memo.

Lamar, who sampled asinine comments from Fox News, uh, reporter (?) Geraldo Rivera in his Pulitzer prize winning album Damn., could not be reached for immediate comment. Damn

Since its founding in 1996, Fox News has never won a Pulitzer prize, primarily because it’s reporting is a fabricated distortion of journalism reliant on misinformation designed to manipulate the masses, according to http://www.youareallbrainwashed.org, which is a non-existent news organization we just made up right now to elucidate the point that people will believe anything they read or hear.

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