Suburban Man Looking at Phone Bumps into Six People on Way to Work

CHICAGO – Parker Niederman bumped into six people on his walk to work this morning as he chatted with friends and reviewed last night’s Major League Baseball scores, according to eye witnesses.

Niederman, who lives in the Chicago suburb of Schaumburg, only looked up from his phone at crosswalks as he weaved through pedestrians on his way to work after getting off the Metra commuter train this morning at Union Station. He at one point put his phone in his jacket pocket but pulled it back out 15 seconds later to respond “LOL” to a friend’s subjectively funny comment which, according to witnesses, did not cause Niederman to laugh audibly.

man on phone

Bumping into six people is “probably a new record for me, at least this year,” Niederman said in a text response to questions.

“It’s ideal time for reviewing memes and pictures,” he said. “I’ve made this commute hundreds of times. No reason to really tune in anymore.”

One woman said her shoulder “kinda hurt for a bit” after the collision with Niederman, but is not planning legal action, she said.

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