CARTAGO – In a final modification to assure his message of homophobia and societal retrograde is clear to Costa Ricans ahead of the April 1 elections, Presidential candidate Fabricio Alvarado announced a new campaign slogan today that caters to his Bible-brainwashed legion of idiot supporters: “Don’t Be A Gay! Vote Fabricio!”
Alvarado, who is terrifyingly poised to win next month’s run-off, reminded potential voters that the message of the ruling PAC party is “pretty queer” and asked onlookers if they were sick of being “fucked in the butt” by the government. The crowd agreed in unanimity that they in fact are.
“Penises go in vaginas, mae!” Alvarado yelled to fans outside of la Basílica de los Ángeles in Cartago, the church where gaggles of Ticos march every year to worship a papal-blessed black rock. “Think of the ballot box like a women’s vagina and your vote like a man’s penis. Insert. Repeat. ¡No Seas Playo!”