“Justicia, tierra y algo pa’ picar” former President Laura Chinchilla tweets
THE HAGUE – Costa Ricans are in full celebration mode today after the International Court of Justice finally brought the judicial hammer down on Nicaragua on Friday, forcing them fork over their most prized possessions – tostones and Flor de Caña rum – for the atrocities committed during the internationally insignificant intrusion into an uninhabited land that no one cares about or remembers.
The ICJ, after years of heated debate over whether or not some Nicaraguan soldiers slept in hammocks and left a few empty Picaritas bags in Costa Rican territory in 2010, arrived at its brave verdict Friday, ordering Nicaragua to pay up for their unspeakable environmental rights violations. Given the payout was for a tab of only $379,000, the ICJ gave Costa Rica another compensation option that included Nicaragua’s sacred food and spirit delicacies, tostones and Flor de Caña, which the Ticos considered to be of more value.
“I now know how Nelson Mandela felt when apartheid was abolished,” tweeted former President Laura Chinchilla, who filed the original grievance to the court in 2010, perhaps overstating the decision’s significance in the annals of history. “I am going to get black out drunk on justice-flavored Flor de Caña tonight.”
Members of the Nicaraguan government, who admitted to only vague recollection of the incident, agreed to pay the fine, though said they can’t promise they won’t try to do the same thing again, and again, and again, just to keep things interesting or create a distraction to drum up nationalism when convenient for its dictatorship to remain in power.
Nicaragua agreed to deliver the tostones and Flor de Caña to members of the Costa Rican government on Sunday in time for both the country’s Presidential elections and the Super Bowl, which always fall on the same day much to the chagrin of the montones of Ticos that live in New Jersey and support the Philadelphia Eagles. The only stipulation set by the Nicaraguan government was that the delivery take place on the Río San Juan, which they reminded the Ticos, e’ nuestro pue.