Early Gallup poll shows dog with 96% likelihood to win
MEXICO CITY — In a week that featured a litany of power-drunk halfwits announcing intentions to run for Mexico’s 2018 presidency, citizens desperate for someone with a soul to emerge from the morass of miscreants received good news Sunday night: Frida the Rescue Dog is ready to mark her territory as the country’s first Presidenta.
Frida, who won the hearts and support of her country by rescuing more than 50 people in the aftermath of Mexico’s two earthquakes last month, formally announced her candidacy last night at the National Electoral Institute in Mexico City around 8p.m. Her subsequent speech at a press conference – revered by historians as one of the most poignant in recent political memory – set the tone for a campaign seemingly destined for Presidential triumph.
“Ruff, ruff,” Frida said, as the crowd of supporters erupted. The yellow labrador retriever, donning her famed goggles, Marina vest and blue booties, then sniffed the microphone and gently licked it, igniting another round of thunderous cheers and the chant of “A la bio, a la bao, a la bim bom ba, FRIDA! FRIDA! Rah! Rah! Rah!”
A Gallup poll published hours after Frida’s announcement showed the canine to have a 96 percent chance of winning Mexico’s 2018 presidential elections, with a margin of error of zero percent. Former front runner Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador’s support was polled at 3 percent, while candidates that announced presidential runs this week – Margarita Zavala and Jaime “El Bronco” Rodríguez – each received 0.5 percent support of those surveyed.
“She has never been linked to brazen corruption, never killed anyone, never says the wrong thing and has done more for the well-being of this country than all of these other pendejos combined,” Manolo Ramirez, 36, said in an interview outside of the INE offices. “Plus, she’s sooo cuuute!”
Frida’s campaign platforms include a promise to bite corruption, sniff out the filth that contaminates the government and empower more females and canines in this country plagued by self-possessed and unevolved machistas, she said through her trainer/translator. Frida encourages followers and supporters to boost her campaign on social media using the hashtags: #FridaPresi2018 #Frida2018 #EstoyConFrida