Costa Rica’s Araya Launches Final Push to Lose Sunday’s Elections

“I will do anything I can to discourage your votes,” Araya said. “Anything.”

SAN JOSE – Presidential candidate Johnny Araya has launched a final self-sabotage campaign to lose as many votes as possible in Sunday’s run-off election, the former mayor of San Jose said yesterday.

"I am a not a non-crook!"

“I am a not a non-crook!”

Araya, who dropped out of the elections last month, held a press conference Wednesday to remind Costa Ricans for a final time that he does not want their vote. He also confessed to accepting a free plane ride to Panama to watch a soccer game, receiving illegal payments during his stint as mayor and rampant infidelity. He also said he is pretty sure he has some kids he doesn’t know about.

“For the love of God, I do not want to be the President of this country,’’ Araya said to the several hundred supporters who don’t seem to be getting the message. “It was a mistake from the beginning and I will do anything in my power to convince you not to let me to drive Costa Rica into the ground for the next four years.’’

Araya showed up to the press conference in a shirt that said “Quitter” and handed out “Vote for Solis” flyers. He also drank from a bottle of Cacique and asked the crowd if anyone had a joint they were willing to share.

“Does this look like Presidential material to you?” He asked as he urinated on stage. “Do I look like a leader? The answer – unless you are a retard from Cartago – is no.”

Araya then held up newspaper articles that reported on his illicit plane ride to Panama and said “Oh yeah, I did this!” He described the trip as “fucking chiva” and that he’d never made so free much money while on vacation.

“It is rare to find an honest politician and I have lied to all of you for years,’’ he said. “I’m not going to pull a Richard Nixon and deny the truth. I have loved spending every single penny of your hard-earned tax money.”

The crowd then erupted in cheers and chanted his name as he flipped them off.

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