Costa Rican Fruit Vendor Inspired by ‘Wolf of Wall Street’ Leaves Family to Pursue Drug-Infused Orgy Dreams

A glimpse of Roy Porras's future.

A glimpse into Roy Porras’s future.

“I’ve sold rotten fruit for years, selling garbage stocks should be no problem’’

SAN JOSE – Roy Porras, a church-going family man from Barrio Mexico, shuttered his fruit stand for a final time Monday night, hours before jumping town to pursue his newfound dream of becoming an empty millionaire with a lavish life chock-full of drugs and loose women.

Porras, 47, who hadn’t seen a movie since Short Circuit 2, said he had an epiphany when he watched Martin Scorsese’s `Wolf of Wall Street’ over the weekend. Known for being an honest man of meager economic means, Porras said his “eureka moment’’ ocurred while watching Leonardo DiCaprio blow lines of cocaine off a stripper’s boobs.

“What the f^ck have I been doing with my life?’’ Porras said. “Are you kidding me? All you have to do to own a mansion and a yacht is lie to people for a few years? Where do I sign-up?’’

Porras, who purchased a one-way ticket north on TicaBus, gave away his last papayas and Chiclet gum 4-packs to strangers Monday night, vowing that within a few years, he’d be back handing out wads of laundered money and Quaaludes to the common-folk.

Though Porras leaves behind a wife and two children, he feels he’s paid his dues as a responsible father and that the time has come for him to enjoy drug binges, lewd sex with prostitutes, and scheme people out of their money for his personal gain. He also promised to send home illegal wire transfers every now and then.

“I’ve been selling overvalued crappy fruit for years. I know I can do the same with stocks,’’ Porras said. “Thanks to Leo, I now know what my true destiny is. I’m going from Main eStreet to Wall eStreet.’’

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