BREAKING: Johnny Araya Sleeps In On Election Day After All-Night Rager

Hires stand-ins to make public appearances while candidate curbs hangover

JohnnySAN JOSE — According to various reports, PLN candidate and presidential favorite Johnny Araya missed all scheduled morning appearances after an “epic noche” bar hopping across chepe.

Various sources have told El Pejibaye that Araya was seen last night chugging Olaffos at Caccios, shooting spitballs from the second floor of El Steinvorth, and pounding tequila while canoodling with several women at Rapsodia. After Rapsodia closed at 4am., he was then rumored to have headed to Sand in San Pedro for a nightcap and to try and get the drunken metalhead vote.

Araya was scheduled to make several public appearances throughout the morning today as he attempted to sway many still undecided voters. Instead, Ticos were met by various stand-ins at different locations as the candidate nursed the worst goma of his vida. Each stand-in bore “You know me, Hire me!” shirts in addition to “Araya masks” over their faces in efforts to resemble the former San Jose mayor.

It’s also being reported that the individual everyone thought was Araya at mass this morning was actually Johnny’s twin brother, Ronny.

Araya’s representatives have declined comment.

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