“Gleaming razor wire will be my legacy”: Chinchilla
HATILLO – In a last gasp effort to save face for an otherwise abhorrent administration, Laura Chinchilla plucked at the heart strings of Costa Ricans this week by providing glistening coils of razor wire for all national households.
“My presidency has focused on security from start to finish,” Chinchilla said. “What better way to solidify my legacy than by giving Costa Ricans a symbol of what this administration represents.”
Chinchilla announced the donation, known as “Chinchilla’s coils,” at a press conference in the impoverished barrio of Hatillo. Nothing makes communities like Hatillo feel warmer within their homes than lustrous strands of needled wire to accompany beautiful steel gates, barred windows, and electrified fences, she said.
“Some of you used to call these homes chozas or chantes,” Chinchilla said. “But now, these homes will be known as chozas lujosas or chantes que aguantan.”
The government didn’t give a figure for the investment needed to provide each Costa Rican family with razor wire, though Economy Minister Mayi Antillon estimated it would total about $500-$600, as you can basically find it at any dumpster or on the side of the road anywhere in the country.
Hatillo resident Tobias Guillermo Reyes said the donation of the barbed wire has led him to forgive Chinchilla for being an otherwise ridiculously terrible President.
“Every President leaves the country with something special,” Reyes said. “Figueres abolished the army, Arias built us the Estadio Chino, and now Chinchilla gives us a lifetime supply of free razor wire. In my eyes, she has totally redeemed herself for four years of stagnation and corruption.”
In light of the announcement, the municipality of San Jose surprised the President by unveiling a statue of her in Hatillo’s central plaza. Standing tall with her fist in the air, Chinchilla’s bronze statue is wrapped in silver razor wire to commemorate her unwavering charity and altruism.
After reports of the free barbed wire circulated, Chinchilla’s popularity more than doubled to around 19 percent, newspaper Diario Extra reported. Unfortunately, less than an hour after the ceremony ended, Chinchilla’s statue had been vandalized as most of the wire coils had been stolen and someone spray-painted the word “corrupta” on her stomach and “KC+RP por siempre” near her ankles.