Investigative unit grew suspicious when entire office started wearing PLN green and white “verdiblanco” every day
TIBAS – La Nación’s revered investigative team needed only three minutes to discover their publication was unabashedly supporting the PLN in Costa Rica’s upcoming elections, according to a report published by the unit’s lead reporter.
“This was the easiest investigation I’ve ever been a part of,” said award-winning journalist Fulana Escritora. “I probably should have picked up on it earlier when management mandated we all wear ‘Vote For Johnny’ buttons in the office.”
The investigation into La Nación’s motives was launched yesterday after the newspaper ran a ridiculously slanted editorial that highlighted failed socialism models and warned that the election of candidate José María Villalta could bring similar economic doom to Costa Rica.
“When I first read it, I thought they’d accidentally run my daughter’s 5th grade book report on Latin America,” said UCR political science professor Rolando Massabequetu. “It was like a copy-and-pasted Wikipedia entry on socialism, only less articulate and less researched.”
When the La Nación investigative unit confronted their editors about the blatant disregard for objective journalism, they found the newspaper’s General Director watching PLN candidate Johnny Araya’s “Contratame” campaign video on loop. He then asked Escritora what she thought about possible headlines “Araya Is Our Guy-a”, “Bravo, Johnny Bravo!”, as well as “Villalta and Guevara Spotted Naked and Kissing in Catholic Church.”
“I would quit if the PLN, uh, I mean La Nación didn’t pay me so well,” said Estefan Sintalento. “But hey, I finally moved out of my mom’s house this month, so verdiblanco journalism does come with benefits!”
Villalta has been insulted more by La Nación in the last month than the Saprissa FC soccer team and the Limón province combined, the report found. Despite the barrage of attacks, Villalta said he still has faith that the support of Canal 7’s Pilar Cisneros and the UCR’s El Seminario newspaper will lead him to victory on Feb. 2.
“Mark my words,” Villalta tweeted. “I, like great heroes such as Lenin, Ho Chi Minh, and Che Guevara, will overcome detractors to triumph #mymanifesto.”