Johnny Araya Costa Rica’s Fattest Presidential Candidate, Poll Shows

Also voted candidate most resembling Simpsons Mayor Quimby

Alcalde_Johnny_Araya_gSAN JOSE – Presidential frontrunner Johnny Araya is unquestionably Costa Rica’s fattest presidential candidate, according to a Unimer poll released this week.

A resounding 98% of pollsters found Araya to be the most overfed of the country’s candidates, while also voting the San Jose mayor as the least informed, dumbest and most resembling of The Simpsons’ Mayor Quimby. Regardless of the seemingly negative poll results, Araya was still selected as the candidate most likely to win the January presidential election by 43% of the idiots surveyed.

“I mean, yeah, he’s fat and doesn’t seem to know much about the country, but he did put lights in parks in San Jose,” said painfully dumb pollster Rony Porras. “He also gets a lot of guilas despite being fat, so I respect that.”

Araya tweeted the results and celebrated the comparison to The Simpsons’ Mayor Quimby, a fictional character known for heavy drinking, philandering, shameless embezzlement and wearing a mayoral sash.

“Great to be in same league as one of world’s most known and longest-standing mayors! #gordosporvida”, he tweeted.

Jose Maria Villalta, who was second in the presidential polling, was voted most likely to starve to death as well as most likely to grow facial hair not to look like a small boy. Candidate Otto Guevara was voted the most obviously corrupt and most likely to appear in Godfather 4.

The results apparently pleased Guevara, who later tweeted:

“I’m going to make Costa Ricans an offer that can’t refuse! #VotoporOtto”.

Luis Guillermo Solis and Rodolfo Piza tied for last in the polls getting a percentage of the poll not worth sharing because it’s pretty embarrassing. They were also voted least likely candidates for anyone to give a shit about.

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3 thoughts on “Johnny Araya Costa Rica’s Fattest Presidential Candidate, Poll Shows

  1. Is this site written entirely by expats? It is so strange to see a Spanish speaking country satirized in English, complete with cultural references from the US. I always heard the expat community was huge in CR… Wow! Do the Ticos like these articles?

  2. Pingback: Mae of the Week: January 6 | El Pejibaye

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