Coaches Assure Unwatchable Soccer in La Liga-Heredia Final

La Liga

Any goals would be considered “Christmas miracle’’

HEREDIA – After zero goals were scored in a hideous display of appalling soccer in the first leg of the championship match between Alajuela’s La Liga and Club Sport Herediano, coaches from both teams promised fans that Sunday’s final will be equally pathetic.

“Our only chance of scoring is with the Rumba girls at halftime,’’ Heredia coach Marvin Solano said at a press conference Saturday. “Even if the game goes to penalties, I can’t guarantee either team will make any.’’

Oscar Ramirez, coach of La Liga, expressed a similar lack of optimism about his team’s probability of scoring a goal, saying that players failed to find the back of the net even in practice this week. He also reminded members of the media that Costa Rican soccer remains very, very bad.

“I cannot believe the game is a sellout,’’ Ramirez said. “You would think after years of watching the teams in this league, fans would learn to stay home and watch re-runs of Two and A Half Men. It’s far more entertaining.’’

Solano and Ramirez said they have also requested that next year’s final fall on the same night as the Festival de La Luz in San Jose. Though the Festival de La Luz is also largely uninteresting and chockfull of bad cheerleading performances, it at least has cool floats sometimes, Ramirez said.

“The more we can do to distract young players from watching how soccer shouldn’t be played the better,’’ Solano said. “I’d actually like to issue a preemptive apology for anyone that tunes in today. If we weren’t broke from our corrupt executives stealing money, we’d offer full refunds to all fans.’’  

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