Truck Driver Successfully Sues Tica for Excessive Cleavage

Woman to pay 8 million colones for whiplash injury

elizabHEREDIA – Tosty Tronaditas delivery truck driver Mario Guttiérrez Gutiérrez was awarded a sum of ¢8,000,000 today on claims that Mariana Vilchez’s obscene cleavage resulted in physical injury.

Gutiérrez, who has been out of work three months on disability, said that the low-cut dress worn by Vilchez on Sept. 3 caused him a “violent neck sprain” and left him unable to deliver chips to a Mas X Menos in Heredia. Gutiérrez’s lawyer Ricky Ugalde argued that Vilchez’s dress, which was submitted to the judge as evidence, exceeded Costa Rica’s cleavage law by more than two centimeters.

“My client was left with no choice but to look,” Ugalde said. “He was unfairly coerced by a citizen in obvious violation of the law.”

Upon seeing the dress with its plunging neckline, Heredia judge Carlos Mata Abarca muttered “Ay Dios” and winked at Vilchez. While no such cleavage law is known to exist, Mata Abarca ruled in favor of Gutiérrez in less than 10 minutes.

“This is an outrage,” Vilchez’s lawyer Gretyl Gamboa said. “If Gutiérrez wasn’t such a pathetic pervertido, he might have exhibited some self-control and actually completed the chip delivery.”

The judge ordered Vilchez to pay Guttiérrez’s lost wages over the past three months and relinquish half of her aguinaldo for the next five years. The judge’s ruling also comes with a mandate for Vilchez to wear an Elizabethan-era dress, without high heels, to all public functions for the next six weeks.

Vilchez said she and Gamboa will file for an injunction and use the ruling to lobby the passage of a Costa Rican Anti-Piropo Act. The Anti-Piropo Act, submitted to congress last year, would limit Tico men to two sexist comments or shouts of “Mami Rica” per day.

“Am I not able to wear a dress on a hot day?” Vilchez said as she reapplied make-up while glancing at her compact. “Ticos pay more attention to women on the street than traffic signals.”

Despite Vilchez’s efforts to re-try the case, justice was indeed served, Ugalde said as he and Gutierrez shared chicharones and a bucket of Imperials at Hooters.

“This is a great victory, not just for my client, but for men everywhere,” Ugalde said. “These wicked sirens need to be held accountable for their attire. They could end up getting people killed.”

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